I Will Not Bury Myself in a Carton of Hagen Das...
I will not eat out of frustration! I will not listen to the evil little voices in my head saying, "Do it!! You know you want to! Go buy some McDonald's french fries. You'll feel better if you do." I want to, but I won't do it. I want a big Lindt Truffle bar!
Alright... it really is just one of those days. I have a hard time believing it is truly a Friday. It feels much more like a Monday or Wednesday. The gist of it though... I woke up late (and slow), forgot half of my lunch in the fridge, forgot half of my breakfast just sitting on my desk (don't ask), so I threw my food schedule off and I'm hungry. Check that... I'm HANGRY. And I'm crabby.
I'm crabby at myself for letting stupid people get to me. I wish I could just cross my arms, nod my head and make people disappear or turn them into piglets. I'm crabby about the fact that misery and heated discussions will be our lif for the next 13 years (at a minimum) and that "the system" is so lopsided and inefficient in so many ways. I HATE not being able to fix problems. Mostly I hate when someone has issues with me, but won't tell me what the issue is. Yes, hate is a strong word, but it is quite accurate.
Really, my crabbiness is just normal stresses compounded by feeling crummy today. My side pain has returned the last few days and it has been a pretty steady tagalong. Obviously, the change in my diet has not fixed my problem. I feel so bad for people who live their lives in chronic pain daily. Several days of this has worn on my emotions and my resilience. I think the hardest part with it is that there's a chance that no one will ever figure it out. We'll save that fear for my gastro appt at the end of the month though.
Earlier this week my TimeHop app showed me pics from the 9-mile race I did with my brother and sister-in-law three years ago. I have missed running so much lately, but those pics hit me hard. I know now that I took the ability to run for granted. I don't just miss running for the exercise. I miss running races with family and friends, I miss the excitement of training and prepping, I miss the community of runners and that feeling after you cross the finish line. I miss the therapeutic feeling I felt after getting out for a run. It was like all of my worries and stresses just blew away as I ran. When I was done I felt clearer and mentally lighter. Cheesy right? Oh but it is so true!! I felt the same way after a hockey practice. Just... happier. It's the endorphins that your body releases with the adrenaline while you exert yourself that does it. Whatever, it just HELPS! I lived by the following statement through my entire divorce and the year or so following. I want to again!
My best friend posted in our running group last night that the biggest half marathon in our area, the Gary Bjorklund Half Marathon, moved up their lottery registration date this year.
There are so many people who want to run this half marathon, over 6,000, that they have to do a lottery for bib numbers to keep their numbers within reason. My friends and family have been running it for years. Several have even run the full marathon. The Hubby and I said this summer that we'll see how things are in February and put our names into the lottery for the 2016 race if I'm able to run again. I like the idea of finding out sooner if won the lottery or not, but I know that I can't run now and that probably won't change by the end of October, so I won't risk it and spend the money.
We'll see... maybe this new gastro doc will be my own personal magician. I just really want to run again! I want to join in the excitement with the others. The rest of my body is plenty healthy, it's just this one unknown. What is it? Why does it hurt? What's causing it? How hard can it bet to figure it out? Apparently VERY!
So, it's just one of those days. Sorry to lay it all on all of you who are reading, but it's always better to get it out than keep it in. We'll either figure out my side issues, or I'll become a very good cheerleader for my awesome running friends and find something that I can do that helps with that therapy thing. The issues with stupid people... that won't ever change, but I'll keep working on ways to handle that.
Tomorrow is a new day. It's supposed to be sunny and hot and there will be plenty of laughs, funny stories and giggling kids to lift my spirits. This is just a blip in the radar. So, I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe holiday weekend. Safe travels to those out and about and HAVE FUN!!!
Alright... it really is just one of those days. I have a hard time believing it is truly a Friday. It feels much more like a Monday or Wednesday. The gist of it though... I woke up late (and slow), forgot half of my lunch in the fridge, forgot half of my breakfast just sitting on my desk (don't ask), so I threw my food schedule off and I'm hungry. Check that... I'm HANGRY. And I'm crabby.
I'm crabby at myself for letting stupid people get to me. I wish I could just cross my arms, nod my head and make people disappear or turn them into piglets. I'm crabby about the fact that misery and heated discussions will be our lif for the next 13 years (at a minimum) and that "the system" is so lopsided and inefficient in so many ways. I HATE not being able to fix problems. Mostly I hate when someone has issues with me, but won't tell me what the issue is. Yes, hate is a strong word, but it is quite accurate.
Really, my crabbiness is just normal stresses compounded by feeling crummy today. My side pain has returned the last few days and it has been a pretty steady tagalong. Obviously, the change in my diet has not fixed my problem. I feel so bad for people who live their lives in chronic pain daily. Several days of this has worn on my emotions and my resilience. I think the hardest part with it is that there's a chance that no one will ever figure it out. We'll save that fear for my gastro appt at the end of the month though.
Earlier this week my TimeHop app showed me pics from the 9-mile race I did with my brother and sister-in-law three years ago. I have missed running so much lately, but those pics hit me hard. I know now that I took the ability to run for granted. I don't just miss running for the exercise. I miss running races with family and friends, I miss the excitement of training and prepping, I miss the community of runners and that feeling after you cross the finish line. I miss the therapeutic feeling I felt after getting out for a run. It was like all of my worries and stresses just blew away as I ran. When I was done I felt clearer and mentally lighter. Cheesy right? Oh but it is so true!! I felt the same way after a hockey practice. Just... happier. It's the endorphins that your body releases with the adrenaline while you exert yourself that does it. Whatever, it just HELPS! I lived by the following statement through my entire divorce and the year or so following. I want to again!
My best friend posted in our running group last night that the biggest half marathon in our area, the Gary Bjorklund Half Marathon, moved up their lottery registration date this year.
There are so many people who want to run this half marathon, over 6,000, that they have to do a lottery for bib numbers to keep their numbers within reason. My friends and family have been running it for years. Several have even run the full marathon. The Hubby and I said this summer that we'll see how things are in February and put our names into the lottery for the 2016 race if I'm able to run again. I like the idea of finding out sooner if won the lottery or not, but I know that I can't run now and that probably won't change by the end of October, so I won't risk it and spend the money.
We'll see... maybe this new gastro doc will be my own personal magician. I just really want to run again! I want to join in the excitement with the others. The rest of my body is plenty healthy, it's just this one unknown. What is it? Why does it hurt? What's causing it? How hard can it bet to figure it out? Apparently VERY!
So, it's just one of those days. Sorry to lay it all on all of you who are reading, but it's always better to get it out than keep it in. We'll either figure out my side issues, or I'll become a very good cheerleader for my awesome running friends and find something that I can do that helps with that therapy thing. The issues with stupid people... that won't ever change, but I'll keep working on ways to handle that.
Tomorrow is a new day. It's supposed to be sunny and hot and there will be plenty of laughs, funny stories and giggling kids to lift my spirits. This is just a blip in the radar. So, I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe holiday weekend. Safe travels to those out and about and HAVE FUN!!!
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