Double Post Thursday
It's one of those rare days that I need to post a second blog post. So much to say I guess!!
That is sort of true... Too much on my mind and I'm having a hard time staying focused.
I'm crabby lately. Very crabby. I felt bad when I tucked my kids into bed last night and Abbycakes says, "I'm sorry I'm bad, Mommy." I reached up (she has a loft bed) and pulled her into a hug and told her she is never EVER bad. Sometimes she's naughty and lately she's having trouble listening and doing what I ask of her, but she's never bad. She then smiled, bounced her little butt back into the middle of her bed and said, "Ok. Love you. Goodnight. See you in the morning." And that was that.
I realized I was taking my crabby attitude out on her a little bit. I had a super short fuse yesterday, I was irritible, I was overwhelmed, I was frustrated, I was angry and I was less than patient with my girls. The Hubby finally forced me to sit down, poured me a glass of wine and broke out the cribbage board to help me settle down a bit after I had tucked both kiddos securely in bed and was positive I had their Sock Hop outfits ready to pack for them to take to their dad's this morning.
Now, I'll step back a bit and add that part of my frustrations IS that cute little critter and her lack of listening skills lately. She certainly knows how to push mine and her sister's buttons and we've had a struggling couple of weeks lately. This too shall pass and she isn't the center of the squall I feel forming inside. It's a multitude of things that are just happening all at once and it wasn't fair for me to take it out on her or her sister.
The worst part is that now I get to sit home and feel guilty about it until they come home tomorrow after school. *sigh* The joys of being a co-parenting mama. The guilt is always worse when you end up holding onto it for a couple of days.
That's where the re-visit with doing a triathlon came into play. I love karate, but it's just not enough. I'm not finding that full release and I need it. I need to find me again. I need to find happiness outside of my kids and my husband. Yes, I love them dearly and I love being with them and am happy when I'm with them... mostly. I'm also a wreck on the inside and I know it. If I don't fix it I feel like it will be a horrible downward spiral.
Why do I feel that way?? Because all I want is McDonald's. I want to stuff my face with french fries and Dove bars. I want to eat and eat and eat. I know realistically that it won't solve anything and I'll feel worse after, but I WANT COMFORT FOODS!!! The best way I know to avoid that feeling is to stay busy and get past it.
The other way is to look at old pictures to see how far I've come. Funny enough, I had a good one come up in my Timehop to remind me who I was when I let my emotions and stress dictate how I treated myself and how far I've come. Here's a little Throwback Thursday for ya...
I refuse to go back to where I was. I will find my outlet! I know that it works and that I feel so much better when I have that way of letting go of the things that a dragging me down. I know what has worked in the past to lessen the load. I just need to find what will work for me now that I have to be more creative.
We're inching closer and closer to being able to break out the bikes, but until then... Karate, swimming, walking.... I will keep trying until I find that magic mixture. Running was my therapy for two years after I moved out of my ex's house and it worked so well. I want to find that again feeling of lightness again.
By the way... 15 days left of lent. I WILL hit the 10 pound mark by the end of this challenge!!
That is sort of true... Too much on my mind and I'm having a hard time staying focused.
I'm crabby lately. Very crabby. I felt bad when I tucked my kids into bed last night and Abbycakes says, "I'm sorry I'm bad, Mommy." I reached up (she has a loft bed) and pulled her into a hug and told her she is never EVER bad. Sometimes she's naughty and lately she's having trouble listening and doing what I ask of her, but she's never bad. She then smiled, bounced her little butt back into the middle of her bed and said, "Ok. Love you. Goodnight. See you in the morning." And that was that.
I realized I was taking my crabby attitude out on her a little bit. I had a super short fuse yesterday, I was irritible, I was overwhelmed, I was frustrated, I was angry and I was less than patient with my girls. The Hubby finally forced me to sit down, poured me a glass of wine and broke out the cribbage board to help me settle down a bit after I had tucked both kiddos securely in bed and was positive I had their Sock Hop outfits ready to pack for them to take to their dad's this morning.
Now, I'll step back a bit and add that part of my frustrations IS that cute little critter and her lack of listening skills lately. She certainly knows how to push mine and her sister's buttons and we've had a struggling couple of weeks lately. This too shall pass and she isn't the center of the squall I feel forming inside. It's a multitude of things that are just happening all at once and it wasn't fair for me to take it out on her or her sister.
The worst part is that now I get to sit home and feel guilty about it until they come home tomorrow after school. *sigh* The joys of being a co-parenting mama. The guilt is always worse when you end up holding onto it for a couple of days.
That's where the re-visit with doing a triathlon came into play. I love karate, but it's just not enough. I'm not finding that full release and I need it. I need to find me again. I need to find happiness outside of my kids and my husband. Yes, I love them dearly and I love being with them and am happy when I'm with them... mostly. I'm also a wreck on the inside and I know it. If I don't fix it I feel like it will be a horrible downward spiral.
Why do I feel that way?? Because all I want is McDonald's. I want to stuff my face with french fries and Dove bars. I want to eat and eat and eat. I know realistically that it won't solve anything and I'll feel worse after, but I WANT COMFORT FOODS!!! The best way I know to avoid that feeling is to stay busy and get past it.
The other way is to look at old pictures to see how far I've come. Funny enough, I had a good one come up in my Timehop to remind me who I was when I let my emotions and stress dictate how I treated myself and how far I've come. Here's a little Throwback Thursday for ya...
I refuse to go back to where I was. I will find my outlet! I know that it works and that I feel so much better when I have that way of letting go of the things that a dragging me down. I know what has worked in the past to lessen the load. I just need to find what will work for me now that I have to be more creative.
We're inching closer and closer to being able to break out the bikes, but until then... Karate, swimming, walking.... I will keep trying until I find that magic mixture. Running was my therapy for two years after I moved out of my ex's house and it worked so well. I want to find that again feeling of lightness again.
By the way... 15 days left of lent. I WILL hit the 10 pound mark by the end of this challenge!!
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