Anxiety Sucks... Especially In A 5 Year Old!
Bear with me... this is lengthy, but I need to get it out, then I'll go "run" the rest out after work!
First it's time to put my feet where my fingers are! I've been telling all of you what my plans are for this week. In two hours, I will be putting one foot in front of the other to prove that I'm not all talk and no walk. Stay tuned, there will be a selfie to prove it tomorrow!
The last week was rough and I honestly didn't end much better than it started. My youngest has Sensory Processing Disorder. It's something we have been working with her on and learning, through trial and error, the best ways to handle different situations. Over the past month and a half, we've noticed that Abbycakes has slowly been sliding downhill. She has been dealing with more and more anxiety over things she'd been handling just fine, like her dad picking her up from my house for his days. We've seen more and more hypersensitivity, arguments over food stating it "feels funny" or "tastes weird" even when she had eaten the food several times before and liked it. She's on edge and easily pushed over it. Simple things send her into a fit. She's become non-verbal when upset instead of using her words. So many things that felt like they were behind us have come to a head again. She's even had issues in school for the first time all year - we haven't had a talk with a teacher since about 2/3 of the way through preschool last year. Frustrated doesn't even begin to cover it.
Part of me felt that she was acting out and going through a phase. I figured that we would hit a milestone and she would get past the hump and all would be well again. I kept telling The Hubby that I needed to make her an appointment with her therapist, but it wasn't really dire, so I kept putting it off waiting for her to make that turn.
The turn happened... but it was a turn for the worse. This weekend, after a week of being sick and rundown, she hit her breaking point. Everything set her off. It was one argument after another and one battle after another. She was Jekyll and Hyde all weekend. She could go from being sweet and cuddly to having a major meltdown, right back to smiling and giving me a big hug. When she's all over the place like that, the whole house follows suit, especially Mama! I try to fight the battles I know I need to fight, but sorting them out gets hard and you start to feel so overwhelmed.
By Sunday afternoon, she was in rare form. She finally got in trouble for hitting Jack Jack after he screamed in her face. They both got a time out. While Jack Jack sat his out quietly on the rocking chair (even if it was a bit fidgety - gotta love 5 year old boys who can't sit still for a minute), Abbycakes had to be removed from everything and everyone and put in "her" room (where she stays when she's at the cabin). She proceeded to cry and scream herself horse as she flew into an all out rage. The Hubby, my mom, my dad and I all just stood there in disbelief. It had been well over a year since Abbycakes had had a meltdown of this magnitude. With each passing minute listening to hear screaching cry, my heart broke more and more.
I was preparing to leave my baby with my mom and dad for three nights for the first half of spring break. If I didn't have enough guilt over pawning them off while they were off of school, I sure did after her outburst! It took everything I had not to cry right with her.
Some would say that she needs tough love at that point. In some situations, that's so very true. I'm one of those parents who refuses to raise entitled brats. I won't let them bully other kids or scream and sob and kick their feet because they didn't get the toy they wanted from the store. With her, there is a definite difference between being defiant and being at a breaking point.
I could tell she was on sensory overload. I could see it all adding up and I didn't take the steps sooner to help her unload a bit. I failed her by not scheduling her therapy appointment sooner. I failed her by not seeing that it wasn't just a milestone or a phase. She was struggling and, because she had been doing so well for so long, I dismissed her telltale signs of when it is time to give her help. We know the signs.
To top it all off... I'm sending her on a trip with her dad for another six nights after she comes back from the cabin. She will have one night with me. One night to help her prep for several days of no schedule, no structure, spending hours in a car with no alone time or space to go and decompress when she starts to know she needs it.
See, she's 5 1/2 years old. We've been dealing with this for five years. Well, we got a diagnosis five years ago. Let me rephrase that one more time, I got a diagnosis for her. One that her dad will deny to this day. I met with Birth to 3 therapists twice a week for six months in our home, trying to help her improve. It was amazing what they did for my baby in those first months! Her dad wanted no part in it and wouldn't meet with the therapists. She got a little older and was referred to OT at the hospital to continue with her needed therapy. I would take her, my mom would take her, but her dad wouldn't consider it. He even argued that he shouldn't have to pay for half of the medical bill because he didn't believe there was any reason for it.
By the time she was three, I was living alone with both girls and had enrolled her in 3K preschool in hopes that the structure would help her. Separation sucked!! The teachers at both daycare and preschool had to pry her little fingers off of my shirt when I dropped her off as she screamed for me so loudly, I could hear her in the parking lot of her daycare! We were so lucky she had the teacher she did. Mrs. Jordan wouldn't take any crap from her and knew when she needed to stay her ground with Abbycakes and when she needed to give her a moment or an extra cuddle. She even knew when my baby needed nothing more than a hug from her big sister, who they would call down from the grade school floor for a quick visit between courses. I watched my baby turn into a big girl that year.
She also started with Annie, her therapist that year. Between Annie and Mrs. Jordan, I started to be able to take Abby in public without having 13 escape plans figured out for every situation that may arise. She sang in front of a crowd at both concerts, and was even the loudest one for her spring concert. My baby, who was deathly afraid of loud noises, crowds and strangers was beating her anxieties one at a time.
Of the last two years I've watched her find a way to express her feelings, talk through things and separate herself from situations that start to overwhelm her. She uses the tools her therapist has given her to work through so many issues that have come up over the years. I honestly think that the last time I've seen her have one of her massive meltdowns was on the way home from our wedding in August of 2014. That's over a year and a half ago. She went from bi-weekly visits with her therapist to once a month, to "as needed" which was once every few months for what we call "a tune up." Then we started to go only when she would request it.
Last time she went to see Annie was the beginning of the school year. The idea of starting kindergarten was giving her a lot of anxiety. She was voicing so many fears and concerns. She was moody, on edge and super sensitive. After she met with Annie, her whole demeanor changed. She went back to my happy go lucky Abbycakes. She loves school! Her teacher gushes about her and tells me how helpful she is and how good she is. She's still one of the quieter kids most days and can be a bit moody at times, but she was rocking kindergarten and her reports had been awesome, until last week.
Again, I'm kicking myself. All of the signs were there. So, what now?
Well, I have one day to ready my baby for a huge shake up in her world. She won't see me for a week - issue number one! She will be in a car for 11+ hours one direction. She won't sleep in her own bed for several days. She will have no structure or schedule and the kid THRIVES on schedule.
How will I ready her? First thing's first... A Happy Box!!
This was Annie's idea back when she first started therapy. Fill a box full of things that make her happy and when she starts to feel not-so-happy, she can sit down with her box and it will make her happy again. Simple right? So, we will make her a box (we'll make Sissy one too, just to include her). I'll set up her MP3 player with new music and pack her headphones in a small bag with her happy box. This way, she can put on her headphones and shut out the world while she dives into her happy things. My goal is to give her an escape in a situation where it's hard to escape at all. Well, that and keep everyone sane on this trip so that she isn't sent even farther over the edge by stressed out adults and a cranky big sister.
It's killing me that's that is ALL I can do, but it's something. Emmy Lou will have her phone with her on the trip, but that could be a double edged sword. While they will both love talking to me and FaceTiming with me, the end of the conversation could quickly lead to a new meltdown over missing me and not wanting to end the call. It could be a slippery slope. All I can do is talk to her ahead of time and hope it sinks in, so that she handles the goodbyes better.
I love my baby girl. She has a soft spot in my heart for sure. She's been my biggest challenge. From day one she has pushed me to step outside of my comfort zone and find a way to to do what is best for her. Today is no different. Being her mom means hurting right along with her when she hurts and sharing so many of her anxieties. Today that is ringing true.
So, tonight I run... because I NEED to! I will run, or walk, until I feel lighter. I will work through MY anxieties as much as I can so I can help her with her's when she comes home. We will both get through with and be no worse for wear. Then, next Wednesday, she will go to therapy and we will help her the way we know how.
This isn't the first time I've been down this road with her and clearly it won't be the last!
Good thing she's cute!
First it's time to put my feet where my fingers are! I've been telling all of you what my plans are for this week. In two hours, I will be putting one foot in front of the other to prove that I'm not all talk and no walk. Stay tuned, there will be a selfie to prove it tomorrow!
The last week was rough and I honestly didn't end much better than it started. My youngest has Sensory Processing Disorder. It's something we have been working with her on and learning, through trial and error, the best ways to handle different situations. Over the past month and a half, we've noticed that Abbycakes has slowly been sliding downhill. She has been dealing with more and more anxiety over things she'd been handling just fine, like her dad picking her up from my house for his days. We've seen more and more hypersensitivity, arguments over food stating it "feels funny" or "tastes weird" even when she had eaten the food several times before and liked it. She's on edge and easily pushed over it. Simple things send her into a fit. She's become non-verbal when upset instead of using her words. So many things that felt like they were behind us have come to a head again. She's even had issues in school for the first time all year - we haven't had a talk with a teacher since about 2/3 of the way through preschool last year. Frustrated doesn't even begin to cover it.
Part of me felt that she was acting out and going through a phase. I figured that we would hit a milestone and she would get past the hump and all would be well again. I kept telling The Hubby that I needed to make her an appointment with her therapist, but it wasn't really dire, so I kept putting it off waiting for her to make that turn.
The turn happened... but it was a turn for the worse. This weekend, after a week of being sick and rundown, she hit her breaking point. Everything set her off. It was one argument after another and one battle after another. She was Jekyll and Hyde all weekend. She could go from being sweet and cuddly to having a major meltdown, right back to smiling and giving me a big hug. When she's all over the place like that, the whole house follows suit, especially Mama! I try to fight the battles I know I need to fight, but sorting them out gets hard and you start to feel so overwhelmed.
By Sunday afternoon, she was in rare form. She finally got in trouble for hitting Jack Jack after he screamed in her face. They both got a time out. While Jack Jack sat his out quietly on the rocking chair (even if it was a bit fidgety - gotta love 5 year old boys who can't sit still for a minute), Abbycakes had to be removed from everything and everyone and put in "her" room (where she stays when she's at the cabin). She proceeded to cry and scream herself horse as she flew into an all out rage. The Hubby, my mom, my dad and I all just stood there in disbelief. It had been well over a year since Abbycakes had had a meltdown of this magnitude. With each passing minute listening to hear screaching cry, my heart broke more and more.
I was preparing to leave my baby with my mom and dad for three nights for the first half of spring break. If I didn't have enough guilt over pawning them off while they were off of school, I sure did after her outburst! It took everything I had not to cry right with her.
Some would say that she needs tough love at that point. In some situations, that's so very true. I'm one of those parents who refuses to raise entitled brats. I won't let them bully other kids or scream and sob and kick their feet because they didn't get the toy they wanted from the store. With her, there is a definite difference between being defiant and being at a breaking point.
I could tell she was on sensory overload. I could see it all adding up and I didn't take the steps sooner to help her unload a bit. I failed her by not scheduling her therapy appointment sooner. I failed her by not seeing that it wasn't just a milestone or a phase. She was struggling and, because she had been doing so well for so long, I dismissed her telltale signs of when it is time to give her help. We know the signs.
To top it all off... I'm sending her on a trip with her dad for another six nights after she comes back from the cabin. She will have one night with me. One night to help her prep for several days of no schedule, no structure, spending hours in a car with no alone time or space to go and decompress when she starts to know she needs it.
See, she's 5 1/2 years old. We've been dealing with this for five years. Well, we got a diagnosis five years ago. Let me rephrase that one more time, I got a diagnosis for her. One that her dad will deny to this day. I met with Birth to 3 therapists twice a week for six months in our home, trying to help her improve. It was amazing what they did for my baby in those first months! Her dad wanted no part in it and wouldn't meet with the therapists. She got a little older and was referred to OT at the hospital to continue with her needed therapy. I would take her, my mom would take her, but her dad wouldn't consider it. He even argued that he shouldn't have to pay for half of the medical bill because he didn't believe there was any reason for it.
By the time she was three, I was living alone with both girls and had enrolled her in 3K preschool in hopes that the structure would help her. Separation sucked!! The teachers at both daycare and preschool had to pry her little fingers off of my shirt when I dropped her off as she screamed for me so loudly, I could hear her in the parking lot of her daycare! We were so lucky she had the teacher she did. Mrs. Jordan wouldn't take any crap from her and knew when she needed to stay her ground with Abbycakes and when she needed to give her a moment or an extra cuddle. She even knew when my baby needed nothing more than a hug from her big sister, who they would call down from the grade school floor for a quick visit between courses. I watched my baby turn into a big girl that year.
She also started with Annie, her therapist that year. Between Annie and Mrs. Jordan, I started to be able to take Abby in public without having 13 escape plans figured out for every situation that may arise. She sang in front of a crowd at both concerts, and was even the loudest one for her spring concert. My baby, who was deathly afraid of loud noises, crowds and strangers was beating her anxieties one at a time.
Of the last two years I've watched her find a way to express her feelings, talk through things and separate herself from situations that start to overwhelm her. She uses the tools her therapist has given her to work through so many issues that have come up over the years. I honestly think that the last time I've seen her have one of her massive meltdowns was on the way home from our wedding in August of 2014. That's over a year and a half ago. She went from bi-weekly visits with her therapist to once a month, to "as needed" which was once every few months for what we call "a tune up." Then we started to go only when she would request it.
Last time she went to see Annie was the beginning of the school year. The idea of starting kindergarten was giving her a lot of anxiety. She was voicing so many fears and concerns. She was moody, on edge and super sensitive. After she met with Annie, her whole demeanor changed. She went back to my happy go lucky Abbycakes. She loves school! Her teacher gushes about her and tells me how helpful she is and how good she is. She's still one of the quieter kids most days and can be a bit moody at times, but she was rocking kindergarten and her reports had been awesome, until last week.
Again, I'm kicking myself. All of the signs were there. So, what now?
Well, I have one day to ready my baby for a huge shake up in her world. She won't see me for a week - issue number one! She will be in a car for 11+ hours one direction. She won't sleep in her own bed for several days. She will have no structure or schedule and the kid THRIVES on schedule.
How will I ready her? First thing's first... A Happy Box!!
This was Annie's idea back when she first started therapy. Fill a box full of things that make her happy and when she starts to feel not-so-happy, she can sit down with her box and it will make her happy again. Simple right? So, we will make her a box (we'll make Sissy one too, just to include her). I'll set up her MP3 player with new music and pack her headphones in a small bag with her happy box. This way, she can put on her headphones and shut out the world while she dives into her happy things. My goal is to give her an escape in a situation where it's hard to escape at all. Well, that and keep everyone sane on this trip so that she isn't sent even farther over the edge by stressed out adults and a cranky big sister.
It's killing me that's that is ALL I can do, but it's something. Emmy Lou will have her phone with her on the trip, but that could be a double edged sword. While they will both love talking to me and FaceTiming with me, the end of the conversation could quickly lead to a new meltdown over missing me and not wanting to end the call. It could be a slippery slope. All I can do is talk to her ahead of time and hope it sinks in, so that she handles the goodbyes better.
I love my baby girl. She has a soft spot in my heart for sure. She's been my biggest challenge. From day one she has pushed me to step outside of my comfort zone and find a way to to do what is best for her. Today is no different. Being her mom means hurting right along with her when she hurts and sharing so many of her anxieties. Today that is ringing true.
So, tonight I run... because I NEED to! I will run, or walk, until I feel lighter. I will work through MY anxieties as much as I can so I can help her with her's when she comes home. We will both get through with and be no worse for wear. Then, next Wednesday, she will go to therapy and we will help her the way we know how.
This isn't the first time I've been down this road with her and clearly it won't be the last!
Good thing she's cute!
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