Queen of Excuses!

Yeah, if only it was one day. I've been the queen of excuses for a solid three months now. I haven't been horrible, but I've been making excuses for why I'm not eating 100% on plan, why I should go out for drinks, why I'm not exercising, and why I'm just flat out not following through with my plans. Sure, it is life, but it is a choice as well. I'm CHOOSING not to stick to my goals, not to follow through with my planned meals, and to fall back into old habits. I'm choosing to eat my emotions and to eat my exhaustion... and then I'm even more emotional and more exhausted. 

I'll give it to you straight, 100% honesty... The cravings are back, big time! The headaches are non stop. My stomach is a hot mess. The hard work of detoxing that first month has basically gone down the crapper. On a good note, I'm pretty darn well behaved with foods all day long, especially during the week. I haven't fallen so far that I'm back to ordering in lunch, but I fear I'm not too far off. I find excuses to not go to karate. I've found excuses for MONTHS for not going to the gym, or attempting to run. I talked The Hubby into ordering take out Chinese food last night. Don't get me wrong, it was yummy, but I shouldn't have. We had a food plan. We could have made Chinese food at home, on plan, that would have filled the craving I was having and tasted delicious. I chose not to. 

I'm angry with myself. I'm ashamed that I come here and don't confess it all. I know I've said all along that I'm not perfect and I'm basically someone who will battle a food addiction all my life. Old habits die hard, but the crazy part is that I don't WANT to feel like this. I'm just choosing not to battle the cravings and push my own willpower to overcome the temptation to make stupid decisions. I finally told The Hubby last night that I need to stop. I need to get back on track 100%. I NEED to succeed at this. Sure, I'm scared to fail, but I already know that I know how to do that, so I want to push myself to succeed. THAT would be something new and unusual when it comes to food and healthy choices. I don't want to go back to where I was. I don't want to gain weight back or lose the drive to do this, so I'm not going to. 

I started this morning... One meal a time. One day at a time. I will learn to say no again... and not just to my kids!

Sure, we have planned a little road trip tomorrow and we plan to enjoy ourselves. That's not a free ticket to fall off the wagon for the next four days. I will go shopping on Sunday so that I don't have any excuse not to eat what I plan, buy and make. Like I said, my breakfasts and lunches have been great, but the "special treat" stop at Dunkin Donuts isn't necessary. My vehicle should not drive through a fast food drive thru lane (although I've only done that about three times in three months). I can have water when I go out with the girls and save the adult drinks for a once a month celebration. I don't have any reason to dig in the kids' Halloween candy bucket. Not too long ago I had learned how to say no and it was liberating... I want that feeling back!

You all are my witnesses. I will take it a day at a time, but I will plan a week in advance, so here you go:

Tonight I'm still having my egg sandwich and tomorrow we will still be grabbing food on the road.

Sunday
Breakfast - Shake
Snack - Apple & String cheese
Lunch - Birthday Party, so I'll plan to skip the cake and eat that snack late
Dinner - Eggs, Bacon & S Pancakes

Monday through Friday my breakfast will be my usual shake. It works for busy work mornings. Lunch will be a salad of some sort - I need a veggie increase. So, here's the dinner plan.

Monday (Girl Scout & Karate Night) - Eat a late snack and have eggs for dinner after karate
Tuesday (Kids karate & an after work meeting) - Eat a late snack. Chicken w/garlic quinoa & green beans for dinner
Wednesday (Work Thanksgiving potluck lunch - Turkey is totally on plan! Girl Scouts & Karate after work) - Another shake or egg night for me since I'm seldom hungry after karate.
Thursday (Kids Karate, Conferences & Late Karate for the adults) - Cheese Stuffed Meatballs w/Dreamfields Pasta & a side salad
Friday - Nana and I are taking the kiddos to a hotel for a night. This will probably be an off plan evening, but I will bring on plan snacks. And we will do lots of swimming and stair climbing - to the water slides of course!

A workout on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday sounds perfect and much needed! I always feel better afterward, so I'm going tonight too! Sure, it's a busy time of the year, but so are the summer months. I just have to choose to do the things that won't make me feel like I'm letting myself down. Sure, I'm human, but I'm also the one who suffers from my own failures here. I can do better, I'm just letting myself get away with not doing it. I want to get through this holiday season with a smile on my face and know I did my best.

That starts NOW! A day here and there is one thing, A week of excuses... it's time to reevaluate what I'm doing! I also need to remember that I can't get frustrated when the scale doesn't drop five pounds by tomorrow morning, just because I ate well all day today. That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works! (Do I now have that silly commercial running through your head? You're welcome!) So, beyond sticking to my guns, following through on my plans, and saying no when I need to, I need to be patient with myself and with my progress. I'm a turtle now when it comes to losing... I can't let that push my teetering self into the well of self-destruction!