Day 24 of 40 - Stubborn Is My Middle Name!
It's true! That's me! I am stubborn and hardheaded. I believe they called me strong-willed as a child. I'm a stubborn butt to a fault! My poor hubby has seen it first hand his fair share of times and my poor parents have several extra gray hairs due to my peculiar personality. BUT!! Yes, there is a but here. It really is a good trait to have sometimes. Plus, I've gotten a tad bit more flexible in my old age. Especially with my kids.
Be that as it may... I'm finding that my stubbornness is coming in quite handy this week. As I peruse Facebook posts and see all of these Trim Healthy Mama success stories and Trimmaversary updates and feel like an utter failure.
My one year anniversary, aka Trimmaversary, is one month and 11 days away. Weight-wise, the scale has barely budged. I'm frustrated and it is so incredibly, over-the-top, oh so unbelievably tempting to just chuck it all and say screw it.
I told The Hubby earlier this week that it would be so much easier to just decide to be fat and lazy! I can eat whatever I want and I'm positive that my body wouldn't hurt as badly as it has been hurting the last couple of weeks. Needless to say, my knees are not adjusting to my running schedule as well as I'd hoped, so I'm struggling lately.
Unfortunately, it's not really a solution to any of my problems. If I decide to just give it all up and do and eat whatever I want, I know I'll end up far more miserable than I am right now... physically and emotionally.
{{Cue Stubborn Side}}
Today I'm thankful that I can often be stubborn as a mule. Actually, I wish I was a bit more stubborn, then maybe I'd find myself closer to some goals I would like to reach in relation to changes I've made in the last year. As it is, I'm trying to focus on the successes I have achieved and tell the Negative Nelly inside my head to stuff a sock in it!
Some days it's just really hard. I know my body fights against me, but I also know that if I gave up the fight I would lose entirely. Doctors have made it clear that I have more than one issue fighting against me when it comes to losing weight and finding a harmonious balance within my body. My cycle is MIA this month after doing a little stutter step last month. Funny part about that is that I have been much better the last couple of months than I was earlier in the year and it was like clockwork then, so what's the deal now??? (No, I'm not pregnant! Not unless it's the next almighty miracle.)
Plus, one off meal and I pay the price! My weight skyrockets, my stomach bloats and I kick myself for the next couple of days for choosing to go off plan. Yet, knowing how I feel in that situation, I still make that decision. Can you say glutton for punishment?!?
As frustrating and hard as it is, I still dust myself off and start the day fresh. Today is no different. I packed a bag full of clean meals and snacks, I tracked my food, I went for walks on my breaks, and I declined the goodies that someone brought in for my team today. I won't give up! As much as I feel that I haven't made much progress, I refuse to lose the progress I have gained!
I don't have daily headaches anymore. I'm wearing clothes two sizes smaller than I started at. I can run faster and for longer periods of time at that pace than I ever have. I sleep better. I don't need something sweet after every meal and snack. I don't have intense, over the top cravings. I don't feel like food controls me every waking moment. Sure, sometimes it does, but nothing like it used to be. I firmly believe I've started to heal my body. I've had 8 cycles in the last 11 months when I used to not never have one without meds - hence my in vitro babies! I KNOW that I'm doing what is right for my body. I just wish it wasn't such a struggle a lot of the time, as I know many other people do as well.
Oh well... this is life right? If this is the worst thing I have to deal with, I'm pretty darn lucky!
Moving on now... I finally have a solid plan for meals the rest of the week. A couple evenings weren't solidly locked in because The Hubby and I hadn't had time to sit down and talk about it. Tonight we're going to give a new recipe a try. My older Girl Scout troop is bridging over tonight, so I won't have time to go home for dinner. I wanted to try to plan something that was pretty easy on The Hubby as far as prep work because they had multiple calls during the night last night at the station and he's exhausted. I also wanted something that would be easy for him to bring to karate for me.
The result... Crockpot to the rescue for a yummy looking shredded chicken to put in Buffalo Chicken Wraps with a side of ranch dressing! I love buffalo chicken wraps, so I'm excited to give this one a try! He'll throw the shredded chicken on a a low-carb tortilla with some colby jack cheese and a bit of ranch dressing and WA-LAH! Quick, easy and hopefully tasty!
Tomorrow is the younger Girl Scout Troops end of the year party, so I'll be tiding myself over with a protein shake until I can get home and make myself a late dinner... probably either eggs or leftovers.
Friday it's just The Hubby and I for dinner... a very rare occurrance for a Friday evening, indeed! I knew I wanted shrimp, so we decided to go with a recipe off of the THM KEEPERS board: Skinny Shrimp Scampi with Zucchini Noodles! YUM!!
I'm so loving that veggies are starting to come back in season. I've so missed not paying an arm and a leg for less-than-stellar looking fresh veggies!
So, I have a plan! I have the want! I have the need! I have to make the best of what I've got to work with and keep moving forward. No matter how slowly that may be. Oh, and I REALLY need to stop comparing myself to others. Yeah, that one's kind of hard.
Happy Hump Day Everyone!
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