I Haven't Failed, I've Just Derailed

I'm officially starting over. It seems to be a vicious cycle, but in the end, I refuse to give up. I honestly believe that I have only failed if I accept where I'm at and just stop trying. Since I'm not going to do that, I haven't failed. Even still, these words ring true lately...

I have spent the past couple of months doing and eating whatever I want. Sure, I may be on track for a few days at a time, or even all week long, but eventually I fall off the wagon, directly onto my head and make poor choices. I know the right ones, I've just been choosing the easy route, the lazy route. I accept that. Now I'll change that... AGAIN!

It's life. This will be my life. I'll always love food. I'll always love going out for pizza and beer. Potlucks are my nemesis. None of this will ever just disappear from my life. My decisions ultimately decide my results. Right now, my results are that I'm starting over from ground zero and I know that's not a horrible thing. I know I'm not destined to remain where I am. I know that I have choices and I also know what to do to see the change I want to see.

So, I made a choice. I weighed myself on the 4th of July knowing that it was going to be ugly. I did my measurements last night knowing it was going to be disappointing. I packed my lunch yesterday with a goal in mind. I declined an ice cream treat after softball that I had promised my girls. I ate three striped cookies at the end of the day... But I started heading back in the right direction and I can hold my head up high.

My weight always has been and always will be an issue. My body's sensitivity to certain foods will always be a part of who I am. I'll never have it easy. I'll never be a person who considers candies and fast food as poison. Sure, it's not good for you, but it sure can taste good! I'll probably always play the game of gaining and losing weight. It's up to me to decide how dramatic I want that to be.

As of today... I want to get my moods back in check. I want to break the hold food has over me again. I want to be proud of my decisions. I have goals and I want to achieve them. I took a detour... a temporary detour... the scenic route. Time to get serious! Honestly, it's time to find ME again.

What does that entail you may ask?

I'm am the swimming leg of a team for a triathlon in a couple of weeks. I refuse to let my team down, so I need to get some practice swims in. I completed my first open water swim last weekend. What a crazy difference from swimming in a pool! I think I did pretty well for my first time. Especially after having a chest cold for over a week! I need more practice though!

I need to put my running plan into action! My co-worker is a runner too, so we are making dates. Our first one is Friday after work. I have no excuses and the company will be great, so bring it on!

I'm back on THM. I know it helps. I know I feel great when I'm eating well. More than that, I know my body responds very well to eating that way and it really isn't hard to do. So, I've pre-planned our meals for the week. I made a THM-friendly shopping list for The Hubby yesterday. Being the rockstar that he is, he conquered the list yesterday and even made dinner. I've been packing THM-friendly lunches and snacks for work. Can I add that I'm beyond pumped to move into my new office next week. I'll even have my own mini fridge to store goodies in!!

So, there you have it. I have a plan. Shoot, I have several plans. I have support... at work and at home. Emmy Lou even said she wants to do it with me, so we're working on ways to make her snacks and meals more THM-friendly (she eats the provided breakfast and lunch at summer school and Parks & Rec, so it's more helping her choose the right items from what is offered right now). Now it's full steam ahead!!

This may all sound familiar to those who've been reading my blog for a while, but like i said, this is reality. I made poor choices, I'm suffering from the consequences of those poor choices. Now I'll make better choices! It's as simple as that!

I mentioned a meal plan and some training events, so here's how it all looks:

Wednesday (Emmy Lou has a doubleheader right after work): Protein shake early & apple & string cheese later. I'll be eating small meals every 3 hours today to keep from being hungry for one big meal around dinner. - REST

Thursday: Grilled Pesto Shrimp Skewers w/quinoa and green beans - Swim after work

Friday: Eggs & Turkey Bacon w/fruit - Run after work
  
Saturday: Shooting a Wedding - REST


Sunday: Chicken & Veggies Foil Pack on the Grill - Swim in AM, Run in PM

Big Dates:

July 16th - Bay Days 5K Fun Run as a family

July 17th - Swim 500 meters (0.31 miles) in the Chequamegon Bay Spring Triathlon 

August 14th - Sprintstead Sprint Triathlon (1/4 mile swim, 16 mile bike, 3.1 mile run)

September 3rd - Shell Lake 9 miler

October 15th - Whistlestop Half-Marthon 

I will conquer all of the planned events above!! I will also train my little butt off! The rest of the summer is jam-packed. The softball season is winding down and I need to make training a priority... Starting tonight with a nice, leisurely swim with The Hubby!!

I'm may be down, but I'm not out!! My goal right now is to drop 15 pounds by my birthday (weighed Monday). I have 10 weeks and a lot of work to do. Thankfully, the first few should come off easy due to having a lot of bloat and water retention right now. Even at that, I'll be 10 pounds higher than I was last year on my birthday, but I'll be 15 pounds lighter than I am right now!