Morning Journal - Day 17

 And that's a wrap!

For our in-person New Student Orientations that is. I feel like I'm about 20 hours behind on sleep after the last few weeks, but we successfully registered several hundred freshman college students. WOOHOO!! Oy! 

My poor kids have gotten a half-dead mom most nights the last few weeks too, so I'm looking forward to returning to our regularly scheduled life. Just in time too... Summer has finally arrived in Northern Wisconsin!!!

With the weekend approaching, time for a journal check-in

Morning Journal 6/17/22

WEEKEND GOAL:  

As we are headed into the weekend I truly want to feel good about myself all weekend. I don't want to be obsessed with food, thinking about it nonstop or stressing over what I shouldn't have eaten, or should stay away from, etc. Which means, I will have to truly focus on my mind set, quell the "fatter chatter" and catch negative self talk (even in my head) and try to put a positive spin on it.

My realistic and doable next best step(s) to help me get there today, tomorrow, and Sunday is to...

I will say that my goal is to keep listening to my body. Stop when full, try not to give in to every single craving, and treat myself nice, even when looking in the mirror. I want to add more beads to my jars. I also want to make sure I continue to hit my step goal.

 

Any thoughts or feelings I'd like to work through that might be getting in my way:

I actually fear weekends in the food department. I feel like I turn off my "smart button" and just cave to my I Don't Give A Sh#@ attitude. This will take focus, especially if I'm tired or triggered this weekend. My plan is to stay as active as my body will allow me. 

We are celebrating Father's Day this weekend, so I'd like to take the kids and hubby and enjoy ourselves. The oldest kiddo has to work 9am-1pm, so we will likely wait for her. But ultimately, I don't want to cave to couch time until after dinner. No binging Netflix all weekend. I'm either physically active or working on stuff for my business.

So, I've been thinking a lot about a doc I had been seeing to help me lose weight. He is an amazing physician and the sweetest man, but I have been so scared to go back to him because I am utterly disappointed in myself for gaining all of the weight back. Facing him is scary! I know he will be understanding and not negative in any way, but I feel like I let him down. I know... he's a doctor and this is for me, but he's just that kind of doctor. He would get excited with me when the scale or the measuring tape would go down.

But it's truly time to face the music and see what we can do together, again. I'm ready to not be so tired all the time, to be able to bend over to tie my shoes without grunting, or be able to actually cross my legs again. It is insane how quickly the weight can come on and how much it affects your daily life when it does. It's clear that the extra weight is directly affecting my previous issues (back pain, knee pain, migraines, etc.) as each have worsened over the last year. 

I know there is no quick fix to losing weight, and it's even harder to fix the mental portion and re-train that nasty little voice in my head (one person I follow calls it our internal 2-year-old, which is pretty accurate). I've done it before, I can do it again. I just need to quell the thoughts like:

But I  like food!

I am not looking forward to eating more veggies.

I'm not sure I can do without __________ (insert whatever food I'm craving at that point).

Honestly, I was able to eat most things I liked when I was maintaining a 50+ weight loss before. I have to remember that I can do that again. It's when I overindulge that things start to go downhill quickly. Food is not a treatment for a bad day, frustration, exhaustion, crabbiness, etc. It is purely fuel for my body... some just tastes better than other! ;)