Stuck!
Yup, I'm stuck!! I'm stuck in a horrible rut. I know it's my emotions running ramped, the fear of the unknown, and the fact that I cannot control every part of my life. I am a self admitted control freak. I don't go around trying to control people in any way. I just like to be in control of situations I'm in. I prefer to be the driver if I have to go in a car (more so with some people than others of course - like my dad... EEK!!!). I'm an over the top planner - if I plan it out then I'm mostly in control and if things go badly then I'm at fault. I really don't know where I get this characteristic. In most situations I would say that I'm pretty laid back and handle things as they come, but things that directly effect mine or my girls' well-being, or puts someone I care about in a situation where they may be hurt emotionally or physically, I get myself pretty worked up.
Unfortunately, the past couple of weeks have ramped up to the point where I feel like my final straw is just about to shatter into a million pieces. My mom always taught me two things growing up: "God never gives you more than you can handle" and "Let go and let God". Okay... I was raised Catholic, but am not an overly religious person. I have my spiritual beliefs, but I do try to live by these two sayings. It's hard. Sometimes I feel like I can't possibly take one more negative thing in my life or I'll snap. Truth is... if I was forced to handle one, two, or thirty more bad things I would handle it. I'd find a way to do so. It's just hard not to get into a funk where you feel overwhelmed.
My emotions tend to run me in ways I wish they didn't. I thought I had conquered this particular bad habit, but it's definitely come out of hibernation in full force. I made such awesome progress the first 8 months of this journey and now, the past 2 I have learned that I can maintain quite well. LOL Problem is, I don't want to maintain yet. I have another 25 pounds to lose and a whole lot of physcial and mental building left to do. I'm just really struggling to get back into that positive state of mind. For the first time in almost a year I'm struggling to shake off the negativity that is pressing down on me.
So, I'm officially taking steps to get over this "stuckness". I've come too far to look in the rearview mirror. I'm happy with so many aspects of my life right now, it's just figuring out how to deal with the bad that tends to overshadown the good. If I have learned anything in the past year, it's that my mental health is even more important that my physical health. Without a healthy state of mind I've found myself less and less interested in the things that have helped my physical health. It's a vicious cycle and one that I intend to disassemble by hand asap. I just need to find the right tools and I'm working on that.
I want to get back to where I was. I want to find my smile, my energy, and my unstoppable happiness again. I deserve it! Everyone deserves happiness if that's what they want out of life. It may not come to you the way you want it to, but you still deserve to find a way to be happy with life and enjoy every minute of it.
Unfortunately, the past couple of weeks have ramped up to the point where I feel like my final straw is just about to shatter into a million pieces. My mom always taught me two things growing up: "God never gives you more than you can handle" and "Let go and let God". Okay... I was raised Catholic, but am not an overly religious person. I have my spiritual beliefs, but I do try to live by these two sayings. It's hard. Sometimes I feel like I can't possibly take one more negative thing in my life or I'll snap. Truth is... if I was forced to handle one, two, or thirty more bad things I would handle it. I'd find a way to do so. It's just hard not to get into a funk where you feel overwhelmed.
My emotions tend to run me in ways I wish they didn't. I thought I had conquered this particular bad habit, but it's definitely come out of hibernation in full force. I made such awesome progress the first 8 months of this journey and now, the past 2 I have learned that I can maintain quite well. LOL Problem is, I don't want to maintain yet. I have another 25 pounds to lose and a whole lot of physcial and mental building left to do. I'm just really struggling to get back into that positive state of mind. For the first time in almost a year I'm struggling to shake off the negativity that is pressing down on me.
So, I'm officially taking steps to get over this "stuckness". I've come too far to look in the rearview mirror. I'm happy with so many aspects of my life right now, it's just figuring out how to deal with the bad that tends to overshadown the good. If I have learned anything in the past year, it's that my mental health is even more important that my physical health. Without a healthy state of mind I've found myself less and less interested in the things that have helped my physical health. It's a vicious cycle and one that I intend to disassemble by hand asap. I just need to find the right tools and I'm working on that.
I want to get back to where I was. I want to find my smile, my energy, and my unstoppable happiness again. I deserve it! Everyone deserves happiness if that's what they want out of life. It may not come to you the way you want it to, but you still deserve to find a way to be happy with life and enjoy every minute of it.
Hope you find your smile and easier times are ahead for you!
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