Cheers to Another Year!

Hello 41! Well, four days ago anyway. I'm a little late with this post, but it's been brewing in my mind for weeks. So, I decided to go back to using this as more of a journal than a blog. I need the outlet again. I miss it and I need the therapy that it once provided.

Well if that image isn't the truth, I don't know what is! Another trip around the sun and while I'd like to say I'm another year wiser, I'm not sure how much wiser I really am. What I can say is that after a lot of reflection on the past year, it definitely wasn't what I pictured "40" would be like when I celebrated last year. But then, who could have predicted that we would be spending the last six months of that year in quarantine during a world-wide pandemic?!? Yeah, I definitely didn't see that one on my "Goals For The Year" list. 

Now this... this one I can absolutely relate to!

I've been feeling a little regret the past month or so that I didn't make more of an effort this past year. Where I'm at right now is not where I wanted to be. I'm not saying that I've gained 20 pounds or anything. I believe I'm up about 8 pounds from where my weight was hovering comfortably for a while last year. It's more where I'm at physically. I've really been struggling to get back into being active. I want to, but I don't want to deal with the pain. 

I don't mean the post-workout pain, but the Fibro flare pain that decides to make areas swell or my back or hip hurt so bad that it's a challenge to get more than a few hours of sleep each night for a few weeks. That's the frustrating part... if you aren't active, it hurts, but if you are active it also hurts. The more you move, the better accustomed your body becomes to movement (in theory), but you have to get past the pain first. But pain meds don't touch the pain. So... yeah, I'm working on that one. 

So, here I am, one year older and questionably one year smarter. Still figuring out this weird aging body that is slowly betraying me, but trying to find a way to remain friends with it. We have many years left together, so we're going to have to find a way to live harmoniously together. I'm a whopping 41 years (and 4 days) old.

This week I participated in a 4-day challenge. The name of that challenge hit me hard and I knew I needed to do it. It was free, so why not, right? I found it while perusing Instagram late, one, night while I was riding the insomnia train. I can't be alone with that bad habit when Mr. Sandman won't come for a visit! Anyway, I found a post by Martha at embraceyourbodynow about her 4-day FREE Embrace Your Body Challenge where she would send me a free email each day to jump start body acceptance and help find peace with food. I figured it was totally worth a shot! 

Day 1, I was a little late to the game, so I did it the second day. Is anyone really surprised. I'm still trying to figure out which kid is supposed to be at school on which day, at therapy on what day, and get myself to work every day (I work from home)! This morning I texted my oldest that I would drive her to school, but would be up in 15 minutes and realized this was her at home day! Yeah, I'm so not surprised I was a day late. I'm surprised I was only ONE day late. So, I read Day 2 & 3 today and watched both videos. All I can say is that in just these three days she's already made me far more self-aware and I've said WOW more than once in the past 24 hours!

So we are on to the final day tomorrow and I'm excited to see what's in store. I'm sad to see it end, but also motivated to make more changes. I have lunches at home, I need to get up and step away on the days that kids don't have appointments. I need to make time and make myself a priority again. I need to focus on my health this year. Not necessarily my weight, but my HEALTH. I want to be healthier by the time I'm 42. Thinner? Sure. Lighter? That would be awesome. Neither is necessary. I want to find a way to be in less pain, be more physically active without a one week punishment from my body, and to not fear what my body will do to me if I spend a weekend shampooing my carpets or deep cleaning my house, because Lord knows right now it could knock me flat for a few days, but I will find a way to get past that! I will come out on the other side of this year stronger and healthier because what else do I have to do right now but spend time trying??