How it all started...
Here's a little bit of background to get us all started.
I'm The Mama. I have two beautiful little girls, Emilee, my curly-haired button-pusher, and Abigayle, my sweet, moody almost-seven-month-old.
I've been married to my best friend and biggest supporter, Jim (aka The Daddy) for 10 years this past September. Just after we were married we started trying to have our first. But let me back up a bit farther.
In high school I was an avid athlete. I played almost all the team sports I could, except football because my dad drew the line there. :) But my passion was hockey. I played for many years, even through college. But at the same time, we were in a constant search to find out why, unlike most girls my age, I was not having monthly cycles. Several doctors tested me for everything from thyroid issues to other possible hormonal defects, but no one had any answers. One doctor told me that I was too athletic and thin and that was what was causing me not to have normal cycles.
In 2000 I married The Daddy and, like I said, we started trying to have a baby right away. Sure, we were young - 21 and 24, but you've heard the little rhyme, "First comes love, then comes marriage..." So, why not go for that baby carriage? But one thing about having a baby, first comes the EGG, then comes the baby. No egg, no baby. No cycles, no egg. So, off to the doctor I went again. But I also found out the wealth of information the internet could provide on the subject of my lacking monthly friend. I was able to self-diagnose myself with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). My general practitioner (GP) wouldn't listen to me and pushed my concerns aside. Eventually I was referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) who specializes in women's issues. He immediately diagnosed me with PCOS. What symptoms led to this? Oh where to start?
PCOS is an ovarian disease. The ovaries produce follicles that turn into cysts instead of eggs, so my ovaries were lined with tiny little cysts and were unable to produce a mature follicle that could possibly be fertilized and become a baby, leading to infertility. On top of that, PCOS is a hormonal defect and insulin resistant disease. My body creates insulin, but doesn't know what to do with it, so it creates too much and gets stored in excess fat cells. Insulin resistance can eventually lead to type II diabetes, which so far I have been able to avoid. But, physical symptoms were my biggest issue outside of infertility. I had excess hair growth, the acne of a 15-year-old, skin tags, darkened patches of skin in creases like my armpits, and excess weight gain. After I stopped playing hockey I went from 150 pounds to 195 pounds in a matter of months.
So, with the diagnosis of PCOS I started infertility treatments which are also known for their wonderful ability to add weight. It took us almost seven years, several tests, needles, procedures, one fresh round of in-vitro fertilization (IVF), a miscarriage, a DNC (because my body wouldn't expell the miscarriage on it's own), and a frozen embryo transfer (FET) before we welcomed our first little bundle of joy into the world. When I delivered Emilee I weighed 231 pounds and had only gained 16 with the pregnancy. But, the wonders of post pregnancy weight loss and breastfeeding had me back down to 201 in no time. I figured it would be a piece of cake to lose the rest.
In 2001, during our first year of infertility treatments, I decided to jump on the Weight Watchers bandwagon. I'd heard great things about the program and they didn't disappoint. I lost 45 pounds in almost a year. Unfortunately, I learned that the weight doesn't magically stay off and I gained it all back plus a few extra pounds. It was then that I realized how hard it was to lose weight and keep it off. Over the next several years I would try, and often lose 10-15 pounds, but then I'd gain it all back plus those couple extra hitch hikers.
After Emilee was born in 2007, I tried to keep losing the weight that had so nicely been jumpstarted. On top of that, the pregnancy had also jumpstarted my cycles and I was cycling regularly. I was beyond surprised! We started trying right away for number two thinking that I'd be one of those people who had so much trouble with the first, but had the second one with no help at all. No luck and my cycles disappeared. Plus, my weight loss hit a major roadblock. It just wasn't happening and life with a baby and eventually a toddler made it even harder. In 2009 we decided to use our leftover frozen embryos to try for a second baby. I was nowhere near my ideal weight, but was pretty much at my prepregnancy weight with Emilee. The first cycle was a bust, but the second cycle was successful and we welcomed Abigayle in June 2010.
After Abby I figured I'd have the same luck I did with Em and the weight would just fall off. Little did I know that the first time was just a fluke and my emotional eating habits went into overdrive with a colicky, refluxing infant and a jealous toddler. Although I only gained 6 pounds during my pregnancy with Abby, and lost it all just after she was born, I started gaining steadily and my PCOS symptoms were hitting me hard. I was exhausted and eating everything in sight due to my excessive hunger with nursing and trying to keep up a milk supply that my PCOS was also messing with.
Before I knew it, Abby was six months old and I was well over my top pregnancy weight with both girls - the official weight will be revealed on New Years, but I'm dreading that first step up onto the scale. I'm afraid it's going to yell, "Ouch! Ouch! Get off you fat cow!!"
And that leads me to now. I'm 31 years old, have an extremely low self esteem, horrible eating habits, use every excuse in the book not to exercise, and disappointed in myself for letting it get this far and setting such a horrible example for my girls. Who wants to be The FAT Mama?
So, I've started this blog as a way to journal my foods, track my journey, vent, scream, yell, and celebrate my successes. I have a lot to be thankful for right now - my girls, my husband, my home, my job, my almost-complete degree (oh yeah, I'm a full-time student on top of being a full-time mommy, full-time USAC Administrator and part-time photographer), and my health. But the last won't continue unless I do something to keep it that way.
Tonight, Christmas evening, The Daddy and I were talking about our goals and what 2011 has in store for us. We both agreed that starting the first of the year we are making a change. Out with the old, in with the new right? December 1st I signed up for Weight Watchers (WW) online. Meetings worked for me the first time around, but time doesn't allow such luxuries these days between running to skating lessons, gymnastics lessons, work, homework, etc., etc. So, we going it the new way... via the world wide web. Although I signed up almost a month ago, that didn't stop me from overindulging over the holidays, so I've been avoiding my WW account like the plague. No more! January 1st I will update my weight, start tracking my food intake and excercise (yes, I will find a way to beat down that deamon!), and start on a new journey toward a new pair of pants. This time I won't settle until each new pair of pants I buy are a smaller size than the one before.
Now, for the goals... You all are my witnesses!
1. Journal EVERYTHING I eat EVERYDAY, regardless of how horrible it was for me.
2. Excercise. I'm not going to put an amount because I do have an injury (no excuse), but will make time for something as often as possible. And I will update this to a true amount as soon as I get a doctor's okay that I won't mess things up any worse than they already are.
3. No shopping for bigger clothes. Smaller is the only way to go.
4. Be at my pre-pregnancy weight by Abby's first birthday - June 1, 2011
5. Set good eating examples for my girls. And I will tell you, I'm a picky eater, but that has to change!
6. And this maybe should have been #1... I will blog at least once a week. If I avoid this blog it means that I'm being naughty and I don't want Santa to give me coal next year.
So, that's it for now. I will weigh, measure and take pictures at the beginning of the year.
And I have a challenge for all of my readers, if there ends up being any, make a decision to change something in your life for 2011. It doesn't have to be to lose weight, but something that will make you a happier person. And feel free to comment and tell me what it is and update from time to time. It'd be nice to know there are others out there riding that bumpy rollercoaster toward their final goal with me.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
I'm The Mama. I have two beautiful little girls, Emilee, my curly-haired button-pusher, and Abigayle, my sweet, moody almost-seven-month-old.
I've been married to my best friend and biggest supporter, Jim (aka The Daddy) for 10 years this past September. Just after we were married we started trying to have our first. But let me back up a bit farther.
In high school I was an avid athlete. I played almost all the team sports I could, except football because my dad drew the line there. :) But my passion was hockey. I played for many years, even through college. But at the same time, we were in a constant search to find out why, unlike most girls my age, I was not having monthly cycles. Several doctors tested me for everything from thyroid issues to other possible hormonal defects, but no one had any answers. One doctor told me that I was too athletic and thin and that was what was causing me not to have normal cycles.
In 2000 I married The Daddy and, like I said, we started trying to have a baby right away. Sure, we were young - 21 and 24, but you've heard the little rhyme, "First comes love, then comes marriage..." So, why not go for that baby carriage? But one thing about having a baby, first comes the EGG, then comes the baby. No egg, no baby. No cycles, no egg. So, off to the doctor I went again. But I also found out the wealth of information the internet could provide on the subject of my lacking monthly friend. I was able to self-diagnose myself with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). My general practitioner (GP) wouldn't listen to me and pushed my concerns aside. Eventually I was referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) who specializes in women's issues. He immediately diagnosed me with PCOS. What symptoms led to this? Oh where to start?
PCOS is an ovarian disease. The ovaries produce follicles that turn into cysts instead of eggs, so my ovaries were lined with tiny little cysts and were unable to produce a mature follicle that could possibly be fertilized and become a baby, leading to infertility. On top of that, PCOS is a hormonal defect and insulin resistant disease. My body creates insulin, but doesn't know what to do with it, so it creates too much and gets stored in excess fat cells. Insulin resistance can eventually lead to type II diabetes, which so far I have been able to avoid. But, physical symptoms were my biggest issue outside of infertility. I had excess hair growth, the acne of a 15-year-old, skin tags, darkened patches of skin in creases like my armpits, and excess weight gain. After I stopped playing hockey I went from 150 pounds to 195 pounds in a matter of months.
So, with the diagnosis of PCOS I started infertility treatments which are also known for their wonderful ability to add weight. It took us almost seven years, several tests, needles, procedures, one fresh round of in-vitro fertilization (IVF), a miscarriage, a DNC (because my body wouldn't expell the miscarriage on it's own), and a frozen embryo transfer (FET) before we welcomed our first little bundle of joy into the world. When I delivered Emilee I weighed 231 pounds and had only gained 16 with the pregnancy. But, the wonders of post pregnancy weight loss and breastfeeding had me back down to 201 in no time. I figured it would be a piece of cake to lose the rest.
In 2001, during our first year of infertility treatments, I decided to jump on the Weight Watchers bandwagon. I'd heard great things about the program and they didn't disappoint. I lost 45 pounds in almost a year. Unfortunately, I learned that the weight doesn't magically stay off and I gained it all back plus a few extra pounds. It was then that I realized how hard it was to lose weight and keep it off. Over the next several years I would try, and often lose 10-15 pounds, but then I'd gain it all back plus those couple extra hitch hikers.
After Emilee was born in 2007, I tried to keep losing the weight that had so nicely been jumpstarted. On top of that, the pregnancy had also jumpstarted my cycles and I was cycling regularly. I was beyond surprised! We started trying right away for number two thinking that I'd be one of those people who had so much trouble with the first, but had the second one with no help at all. No luck and my cycles disappeared. Plus, my weight loss hit a major roadblock. It just wasn't happening and life with a baby and eventually a toddler made it even harder. In 2009 we decided to use our leftover frozen embryos to try for a second baby. I was nowhere near my ideal weight, but was pretty much at my prepregnancy weight with Emilee. The first cycle was a bust, but the second cycle was successful and we welcomed Abigayle in June 2010.
After Abby I figured I'd have the same luck I did with Em and the weight would just fall off. Little did I know that the first time was just a fluke and my emotional eating habits went into overdrive with a colicky, refluxing infant and a jealous toddler. Although I only gained 6 pounds during my pregnancy with Abby, and lost it all just after she was born, I started gaining steadily and my PCOS symptoms were hitting me hard. I was exhausted and eating everything in sight due to my excessive hunger with nursing and trying to keep up a milk supply that my PCOS was also messing with.
Before I knew it, Abby was six months old and I was well over my top pregnancy weight with both girls - the official weight will be revealed on New Years, but I'm dreading that first step up onto the scale. I'm afraid it's going to yell, "Ouch! Ouch! Get off you fat cow!!"
And that leads me to now. I'm 31 years old, have an extremely low self esteem, horrible eating habits, use every excuse in the book not to exercise, and disappointed in myself for letting it get this far and setting such a horrible example for my girls. Who wants to be The FAT Mama?
So, I've started this blog as a way to journal my foods, track my journey, vent, scream, yell, and celebrate my successes. I have a lot to be thankful for right now - my girls, my husband, my home, my job, my almost-complete degree (oh yeah, I'm a full-time student on top of being a full-time mommy, full-time USAC Administrator and part-time photographer), and my health. But the last won't continue unless I do something to keep it that way.
Tonight, Christmas evening, The Daddy and I were talking about our goals and what 2011 has in store for us. We both agreed that starting the first of the year we are making a change. Out with the old, in with the new right? December 1st I signed up for Weight Watchers (WW) online. Meetings worked for me the first time around, but time doesn't allow such luxuries these days between running to skating lessons, gymnastics lessons, work, homework, etc., etc. So, we going it the new way... via the world wide web. Although I signed up almost a month ago, that didn't stop me from overindulging over the holidays, so I've been avoiding my WW account like the plague. No more! January 1st I will update my weight, start tracking my food intake and excercise (yes, I will find a way to beat down that deamon!), and start on a new journey toward a new pair of pants. This time I won't settle until each new pair of pants I buy are a smaller size than the one before.
Now, for the goals... You all are my witnesses!
1. Journal EVERYTHING I eat EVERYDAY, regardless of how horrible it was for me.
2. Excercise. I'm not going to put an amount because I do have an injury (no excuse), but will make time for something as often as possible. And I will update this to a true amount as soon as I get a doctor's okay that I won't mess things up any worse than they already are.
3. No shopping for bigger clothes. Smaller is the only way to go.
4. Be at my pre-pregnancy weight by Abby's first birthday - June 1, 2011
5. Set good eating examples for my girls. And I will tell you, I'm a picky eater, but that has to change!
6. And this maybe should have been #1... I will blog at least once a week. If I avoid this blog it means that I'm being naughty and I don't want Santa to give me coal next year.
So, that's it for now. I will weigh, measure and take pictures at the beginning of the year.
And I have a challenge for all of my readers, if there ends up being any, make a decision to change something in your life for 2011. It doesn't have to be to lose weight, but something that will make you a happier person. And feel free to comment and tell me what it is and update from time to time. It'd be nice to know there are others out there riding that bumpy rollercoaster toward their final goal with me.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
I just joined WW online yesterday. I was excited to read that you're doing it, as well. I don't 100% get the plus points yet (I did WW about 1.5 yrs ago w/ the old points system). I'm starving but choosing to work to keep my mind off of snacking today.
ReplyDeleteGL!
I'm here! One of my goals is to get outside more often, I have no excuse not to, there's no winter to hide from here. Yesterday I plucked Cole into the backpack carrier and Abby and I went for a walk on a nature trail.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your journey! I'll try to follow and stay with you, we all need support!