Staying Positive is Hard!

 

It’s me… I’m that cat!

I told my husband last night that I would like to turn in my adult card. I’m done and over it all. It’s too hard and I just don’t want to anymore! Apparently, “that’s not an option.” I could have sworn it was because I know many grown people who act like children, but he assured me it was not.

So, here’s a little back story on why this week has been a bit brutal…

The weekend was tipped on it’s side when our plans were subtly blown up, so it just wasn’t as refreshing of a weekend as I was hoping for. Monday was, well, a Monday. That was to be expected and it didn’t disappoint.

The fun truly began yesterday when I had to leave work for two appointments. On my way to my 2nd one, I was actually attempting to parallel park outside the office, but the guy behind me clearly didn’t agree with my decision and basically ran me off the road (to avoid him running right up my tailpipe I tried to swerve into the parking space that I was breaking and signalling to back into). But, I still heard that sickening crunching sound of definite damage to the outside of your vehicle.

My vehicle isn’t even a year old yet, so I immediately felt sick to my stomach, while the other guy just honked at me like I was the idiot (he didn’t hit me, I clipped the parked car trying to get out of his way) and sped away. After calling insurance and getting it assessed, there is $3,700 worth of damage to my Bronco. *sigh*

I did still go to my appointment after re-parking my vehicle safely in the parking ramp (screw street parking). Their scale did not show as big of a loss as mine, so that was kind of blah. My 3-month follow-up for surgery is next week and I can’t say I’m pumped to go. But I’ll get to that.

My doc and I discussed my current pain issues. I have arm pain that leads to waking me up several times a night, and I’m utterly exhausted and frustrated. My ECG showed nerve damage in my right arm, so they did an MRI. The MRI showed a pinched nerve.

Here’s the catch… pinched nerve is on the LEFT side, but pain and ECG report clearly show the issue is on my RIGHT side. Why must I always be a damn medical mystery!?!

So, doc asked where I was at with the surgeon’s requests. I’m supposed to get an injection in my neck (yippee), but they haven’t called me to schedule it yet, so my doc put a rush on it. PT gets to be scheduled after the injection – 3-4x per week. Super conducive to working full-time. (Is my bitterness & irritation showing yet??) Then we wait 6-8 weeks to see if it helps.

I know there’s no quick fix, but I would just like to sleep at this point.

Today was also weigh-in Wednesday, but I’ll be honest, I forgot what day it was this morning. I did weigh in at 211.5 on Monday, so I’ll go with that. This means I’ve officially hit the 30 pound mark.

Yes, I’m happy about this, but when I say I’ve hit the 30 pound mark, I mean OVERALL – including the 2 weeks of pre-op liquid diet before surgery as well. If I only go by what I’ve lost since surgery, well it’s a bit depressing! I’m down 18 pounds since surgery, which was 12 weeks ago.

First off, doubt and body dysmorphia are no joke when it comes to weight loss, but especially after gastric sleeve surgery. Now at 12 weeks post-op, when you look at the average, I’m losing just over a pound a week. I’m really curious to see what my doc has to say next week at my 3 month follow-up.

I’m frustrated, but also find myself being sad that even with a tool that helps SO MANY, it’s still such a major struggle for me.

But, I am losing and I will keep going! It’s just harder some weeks than others not to get sucked into the undertow.